so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
