I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
