Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Still dying that you shit outside
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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