you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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