Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
