I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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