matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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