Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
