You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
