Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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