So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
