Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
