Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm eating all of the evidence.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
