I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
