the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
