your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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