lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
