So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
