I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We left the knife in your bed.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My bed smells like the plague
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
