I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
