I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
