Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
