So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
