Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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