if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Welp...herpes.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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