And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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