i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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