idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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