just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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