I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
