splinters make it hard to masturbate
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
