where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
