i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
