$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
