he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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