I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
