I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
