Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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