1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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