He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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