some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
