They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
