i just wanna soil my oats bro
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
