just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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