he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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