good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
