I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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