Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
