There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can I color on your dick again?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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