I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Randomize
