Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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