i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
