In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
